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ASK POTATO COMMISH
I will answer questions sent
throughout the week here every Friday. To ask me a question just click here and give me your name (alias),
state, and question.
This week is an all Colleen from
Maine week. You can have your own week too. Just send at least five questions
to me before anyone else does. Hurry, do it NOW!
1.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
No, vegetarians
should not eat animal crackers. So, this is a message to any of you vegetarians
out there with animal crackers: We know who you are, and we will find you.
There is no hiding from us. Unless you hide really well. We are far to lazy to
look that hard for you. Actually I already stopped caring. Go ahead, eat animal
crackers. It doesn’t bother me.
2. Where you come from, is wall staring an Olympic event?
Yes, where I come
from the best wall starers are treated like kings. At home I have statues in my
honor, and a city named after me. My middle name is Cincinnati. But, here
people just think I’m lazy or bored. But the fact of the matter is I’m
practicing. I’m gonna be the best damned wall starer in the world. Then, then
I’ll get some respect. I’ll show them all. Bwa ha ha ha!
3. What would you say to a person who set their leg hair on fire?
Probably nothing. I
would refuse to talk to that person until they agreed to get help for their
many obvious problems. But, even if they did get help, I still might not talk
to them. I dunno, that’s kind of an unforgivable act of stupidity. Only through
deep introspection, meditation, education, and prayer can this person ever
become a productive member of society.
4. Can God make a mountain that he can’t lift?
Well, it’s time to
get serious, which I hope to never say again in this Q&A. These are not
mutually exclusive acts as one might think. I must say that God can both make a
mountain that he can’t lift and lift it. You may say that that’s impossible.
And you may be right. I dunno. But, this is my take on it. And so that all
humor is not lost: Monkeys eat cheese whiz.
Who would win a wrestling match between God and Hulk Hogan?
Well, this is how I
see it playing out. Hulk Hogan and HHH
have a main event world title match at the Royal Rumble. Hogan wins cleanly.
The next night on Raw Hogan, states that he is retiring and says he’d like to
thank his family, his friends and most importantly God for the great career he
has had. He then reminds all of his Hulkamaniacs to train, say their prayers, and
take their vitamins. Just then Vince McMahon walks out with HHH next to him
holding his son in a full nelson. Vince says that Hogan must face one more
opponent otherwise his son gets it. He makes the Hulkster sign a contract that
gives Vince all of his worldly possessions if he doesn’t fight in this last
match. Hogan agrees for his son’s sake. Hogan then asks who his opponent will
be. Vinnie Mac says that at Wrestlemania XXVIII Hogan will face his greatest
opponent ever. Then Vince proclaims that Hogan’s final match be against none
other than God. Suddenly, there is a large peel of thunder and God materializes
in the ring. God states that he will not fight Hogan. Vince points out that he
has a contract and the Hogan loses everything if the match doesn’t go on. God
agrees for the sake of Hogan and his family. Jerry Lawler makes a dumb comment
about them being the same age. Then Jerry Lawler is vaporized much to the
pleasure of the crowd. So now the stage
is set for the biggest face vs face match in the history of wrestling.
Wrestlemania comes and God is introduced first. He comes out to cherubs singing
with huge pops from the crowd. After God makes his entrance out comes Hogan to
“Real American” with another huge ovation. The bell sounds and the match is underway.
They start off with a few punches, kicks and what not. Then on to grapple moves
back and forth. Finally, Hogan hits the big boot, and God goes down. The
Hulkster bounces off the ropes and hits the Atomic Leg Drop not once, but
twice. Hogan goes for the pin. It’s academic at this point. 1…..2……GOD KICKS
OUT!!!! Hogan gets up and faces God.
Hogan is exhausted from the last set up, and God easily plants him to
the mat with the Heathen Driver. God covers for the pin 1….2….3, Hogan kicks
out, but it’s too late. The bell sounds
and God is proclaimed the winner. Hogan goes and grabs his belt, and proceeds
to hand it over to God and raise his arm in victory. They hug and God suddenly
disappears, with awesome pops from the crowd. They hit the credits and Wrestlemania
XXVIII is history.**
GUY SMILEY: To answer
your question I must use code..BEGIN CODE.. The eagles in the basement flew the
coup. Time is but an omelet in an ocean of spam. The dog barks in the sun and
Georgio has had his fill..END CODE.. As you can see this requires your
undivided attention, please do your best to take care of this situation
immediately. I will help once I make it back to HQ.
**To anyone who finds
it offensive for God to be involved in a wrestling match much less have trouble
defeating Hulk Hogan, I must say that I apologize for offending you. But, you
must realize that pro wrestling isn’t real and God only let Hulkster hit moves
to help put him over and make it a good match. As for God not being in
wrestling at all. Well, I had nothing to do with that, Colleen came up with the
question. I just answered it and used her as a scapegoat. Sorry, Colleen, but
it was you or me. And to anyone who thinks the Hulkster should have won: get
over it.
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